So, I suddenly remembered, as I do most Sundays, my poor little neglected blog. I started thinking about procrastinating, and pondered (not for the first time) what it is about my personality that WILL NOT allow me to complete anything until the last possible minute. I got this clever little idea for a post about how I need to start a "Procrastinators Anonymous," then realized that there probably really is such a thing. Sure enough, procrastinators-anonymous.org has all the information a slacker needs to get on the punctuality wagon, should he so desire. There are some pretty depressing blogs on there, too, let me tell ya...maybe a bit melodramatic, but who am I to judge? I do know that the little bit I read was enough to make me want to do things the right way. You know, leave the house on time so I don't have to grumble at everyone on the way out and for several miles down the road; complete my assignments as soon as possible instead of at 2 in the morning the night before the due date when I have to be up early to take care of little ones the next day....things like that. I really do want to do better, at least on the surface, but it's hard to undo years of habit. It makes me wonder if on some level I enjoy the drama I create by putting things off until the last minute. The assignments, etc., that I have gotten done ahead of time (there aren't many - I remember each occasion), gave me a near-euphoric sense of accomplishment. I must enjoy the drama somewhat, then. At least enough to outweigh the good feeling of getting things done in a timely manner. Of course another element of this equation is the time spent goofing off while procrastinating. That surely is a bonus and almost makes the lack of sleep or the stress of arriving late worth it.
Naturally I wonder how this personality trait relates to the fact that it's taken me twelve years to graduate from college? Have I subconsciously prevented myself from finishing for fear that I will then have to be a grown-up? Maybe I worry that I'll graduate and have nothing to show for it but a bunch of student loan debt? Maybe I feel like I don't deserve to be successful, or simply fear that I won't. Maybe I've just been really stinkin' busy working, remodeling, being a wife and raising my kids. Maybe I should stop pretending I'm a psychiatrist because I took a few psychology classes along the way. Maybe I should've majored in psychology! That's it! I finally know what I want to do!
Pretty crazy way to choose a major and/or career. Still, when you're searching for your path, and you are an indecisive sort, it sometimes doesn't take much to lead you in a new direction, then somewhere else when that doesn't pan out. Maybe I have attention deficit disorder! One thing is quite clear. I took just enough psychology to be dangerous (or at least annoying - just ask my husband).
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